Did I Ever Tell You I Can't Live Without You?
by Tsubasa3
Summary: A very unlikely shonenai fic a KyoYuki. Kyo sees Yuki try to kiss Tohru. Yuki is falling for Tohru, but Kyo is falling for Yuki.
1. I Saw You

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, the storyline, characters, none of it, nor do I own the song which is sung by Martina McBride and is called "I Love You". I'm not making a profit off of this, this is for entertainment purposes only to appease my psychotic mind.  
  
This is a romance (how very typical of me) about *cough cough, hack hack*- Yuki and Kyo. Written in Kyo's POV. Also, when Kyo refers to his "solitude", just think of that as his room or somewhere that he feels safe and belongs. Enjoy!  
  
Yeah  
  
The sun is shining everyday  
  
The clouds never get in the way for you and me  
  
I've known you just a week or two  
  
But baby I'm so into you I can hardly breathe  
  
How could he? How could he betray me that way? Well, it wasn't like he was betraying me, he knew nothing of what I felt, so I guess it doesn't count. Yeah, I might as well, I like Yuki. Stupid, right? Uncharacteristic? But it's the truth.  
  
When I peered around the corner, after following him, I saw him with Tohru. He was so close, so close to her, and I felt my anger flare. She was sitting on the couch and he was leaning towards her, and then... Then he tried to kiss her. My anger rose within me but then became mixed with hurt and grief, sadness, hopelessness. Tohru stopped him and shook her head, but I heard nothing of what they said, I was too lost in my grief and shock. Yuki sighed and stood up straight. I silently thanked the gods they hadn't kissed. Yuki looked so forlorn, and then I left to solitude. I could no longer watch it, watch what was happening- Yuki was falling in love with Tohru, but I was falling in love with Yuki.  
  
And I'm in  
  
So totally wrapped up  
  
Emotionally attracted  
  
So physically acting  
  
So reckless I need you  
  
So desperately sure as the sky is blue  
  
Baby I love you  
  
I love you  
  
In my solitude, I watched myself in a familiar mirror and touched the tears rolling gently down my cheeks. How long had it been since I'd cried last? More than a year. Before, living with the hope that maybe Yuki felt the same, that hope would have been comforting now, in a sense, because now that hope no longer existed, I missed it. I enjoyed the chase, giving Yuki those secretive and seductive glances that he could never seem to rule out and he would just tell me to go get a life and call me a baka neko.  
  
I secretly enjoyed those times together even if for him it was just a stupid game, a stupid banter or arguement. And I felt the same back then too, but after a while I came to realize just how much I really did envy him and his ways, his stoic nature, his calming effect on...everything. What he had, I wanted so desperately. And eventually, through it, came to relaize what was developing within me. I soon came to enjoy our heated arguments and cruel name-calling. So now I knew I was alone in my passions for him and had nowhere to turn now. He loved Tohru, and continued to stay blind to what I was indirectly screaming to his face.  
  
I never knew that I could feel like this  
  
Can hardly wait till our next kiss  
  
You're so cool  
  
I'f I'm dreaming please don't wake me up  
  
'Cause baby I can't get enough of what you do  
  
Later, I confronted him about it.  
  
Yuki was alone in his room. Without asking whether I could come in or not, I opened the fusuma and began talking immedialtely.  
  
"What do you want, anata baka neko?" he said coldly, without looking up.  
  
"I saw you, you and Tohru."  
  
"What do you mean?" I scowled. I came close to his face as to where I could almost whisper in his ear. I didn't mean it so harsh, I was just angry, hurt, and frustrated.  
  
"You and Tohru, I saw how you tried to kiss her," I told him, suppressing the crack in my voice and the sobs gathering in my throat. Yuki's eyes went dark and he looked at me angrily.  
  
"You did what?! How dare you interfere with my personal life, you stupid, idiotic, useless cat! God, I hate you! How could you do such a thing?!" he screamed at me with anger and hatred and suddenly hit me. I stepped back, shocked. He paused. Suddenly calm, he spoke once more. "You are a disgarce to the Zodiac. I'm ashamed to even see you're face. I hate you, it's as simple as that."  
  
Surely, Yuki must be lying. Could he really, realistically hate me for what I'd done? No, he was just angry, I tried to convince myself. But my disbelief was soon replaced by anger and frustration of my own.  
  
"I'm not an animal, damn it!" I lashed out at him and was the one to hit him this time, knocking him to the floor. Yuki looked up so shocked on the floor there.  
  
"You know what Yuki, I think you need to just shut up for once and listen to what people are telling you!" I screamed at him fiercely.  
  
"Kyo...?"  
  
And I'm in  
  
So electrically charged up  
  
Kinetically acting  
  
Erractically need you  
  
Fanatically you get to me  
  
Magically sure as the sky is blue  
  
Baby I love you  
  
"You're so preoccupied with everybody and everything else, that you just can't see it! You can't see what's in front of you!" I paused suddenly and settled down. "You damn rat, you drive me up the wall. You don't see what you're doing to me."  
  
I heard Shigure run up the stairs suddenly and burst through the door.  
  
"Kyo? Yuki?! What happened?!" Shigure demanded, seeing us both very cut- throat at each other.  
  
"He attacked me!" Yuki yelled accusingly, pointing at me as if I were some sort of troublesome animal.  
  
"I told you, I'm not an animal! And besides, he attacked me too," I said defiantly. Yuki gave me a dark look.  
  
"Listen Yuki, Kyo, let's just forget this ever happened and be friends again," Shigure persuaded us as if we were only small children. I suddenly now only decided I didn't want to be here, in this situation. If I stayed I would only mess things up more between Yuki and I; I didn't want to cause more damage than had already been done to our already poor relationship. Giving Yuki one more undecipherable longing look, I walked out of the room simply, feeling as if I was walking on air and about to collapse. Shigure and Yuki's gaze followed me out as I left.  
  
I can't believe  
  
That this is real  
  
The way I feel  
  
Baby I've gone head over heels  
  
I wobbled down the hall, hearing Yuki and Shigure commense speaking. I was sure my legs would fail under me any seond now and they were starting to tingle from being asleep. Well, this day only resulted in one thing: I should never be a marriage counselor. I had to figure out some way to let Yuki know how I feel with doing it directly. I may get hurt and I may get shunned, but I can't let his relationship with Tohru go any further without him knowing my true feelings.  
  
And I'm in  
  
So totally wrapped up  
  
Emotionally attracted  
  
So physically acting  
  
So recklessly I need you  
  
So desperately sure as the sky is blue  
  
Yeah  
  
And I'm in  
  
So electrically charged up  
  
Kinetically acting  
  
Erractically need you  
  
Fanatically you get to me  
  
Magically sure as the sky is blue  
  
Baby I love you  
  
Baby I love you  
  
Do you love me too?  
  
Baby I love you...  
  
------------------------- Hi! I know that this might be a little OOC on Kyo's part. I don't know if that was the best selection for a theme song here. Well yeah, that's chapter 1. Bye for now! 


	2. Greek and African Philosophy

I had been sprawled out on the couch one lazy afternoon, reading, thinking I was alone in the house. Yuki suddenly came in from his "Secret Base" and closed the door behind him as he entered and took off his shoes. He stopped abruptly when he saw me, looking quite rude. I glanced up at him expectingly, feeling a bit of anger mixed with bittersweetness fill me.  
  
"What do you want you damn rat? I thought you were out back," I said, turning my gaze back to the book. I saw his blurred outline through the top of my eyes, while skimming the page.  
  
"I finished planting the cabbage," Yuki replied haughtily. I looked up at him with distaste. "And what are you doing, cat? Rarely have I seen you actually read something; I wasn't sure if you could." I scowled.  
  
"For your information, I can, probably better than you!" I shot back. Yuki smirked, but said nothing and his face eventually lowered to a thoughtful expression.  
  
"What are you reading?" he suddenly asked, plopping down on the couch a foot beside me. I tensed up at such close quarters.  
  
"What would you care?" I paused. "It's about philosophy," I answered with a pout.  
  
"What kind of philosophy?" Yuki asked. I looked from the book to him for a moment. He stared at me expectingly.  
  
"Greek and African philosophy," I replied curtly.  
  
"Greek and African philosophy?"  
  
"Yeah, it was just some old book laying around Master's dojo one day that I found when I was little, but I didn't have the vocabulary skills to read it then, but I kept it anyway. It's kinda interesting." I was actually surprised at how polite I was being with him; I was speaking with comity and being reasonably courteous like we were equals.  
  
I felt his feminine hands reach over and unfold mine from the pages as he took the book into his own hands. My hands still held the feel of his hands on mine. I swallowed awkwardly. I watched his eyes follow the words on the page. Without thinking, I reached out and touched his hair falling by his eyes.  
  
He stopped and turned to me with a surprised and questioning expression. Feeling my face burn up, I withdrew my hand immediately. Instead of being met with the expected "baka neko" and distasteful look, I was met with an almost kind and understanding gaze.  
  
"Kyo, you're really not such a boring and irrational person after all." My mind drew blank after black as to what I should have said to that. I stared at him blankly for a moment.  
  
"Oh, uh, thanks." After saying that, I immediately slapped myself mentally for saying such a stupid, idiotic thing. Damn it Kyo, what's your problem?!  
  
"Well, if you're reading a book about philosophy, you must have something stored up there in that puny brain of yours." That just made my little oh- uh-thanks that much more miserable and pathetic.  
  
Just then Tohru came in with a smile. Yuki's attention was automatically captivated. There was no time for anger or jealousy, just to simply watch and listen.  
  
"Oh, hello Yuki, Kyo. Nice day, isn't it?" Tohru greeted. I nodded quickly and waited for Yuki's response.  
  
"Yes, it is, Miss Honda," Yuki agreed. She gave us both a sincere smile and seemed to notice at what close quarters we were to each other. She must have figured that because she had heard no screaming and things being thrown, that we had not been fighting, and sitting together- which was exactly what we had been doing but she didn't have to know that. We noticed her looking at us strangely. Yuki cleared his throat and inched away from me. Seeming as if not to notice, Tohru took a book from a table and walked out of the room. We each sat in silence, the philosophy book still in Yuki's lap.  
  
"Uh, Yuki," I said, making sure to add special maliciousness and irritation to his name. "Can I have the book back now?" Yuki dropped the book in my lap without looking at me and sighed nostalgically.  
  
"What, you damn rat?" I said annoyingly. Yuki glanced at me with a condescending look.  
  
"Nothing you'd be interested in, baka neko," Yuki said. I could tell he was trying to make me angry, but I wasn't going for it this time. I said nothing. Realizing this, Yuki sighed and leaned back.  
  
"It's Tohru," he began. My throat tightened up. I waited apprehensively. "I- I love Tohru. But she doesn't love me that way. It's nothing though," Yuki said, trying to sound nonchalant. I was totally shocked Yuki even told me.  
  
"Don't act like it's nothing. You know that it tears you up inside. You want her love so badly you can barely stand it," I told him. Yuki looked at me as if I had undergone some drastic change of character, but I had done that a long time ago when I started to like Yuki.  
  
"Kyo, I think you're learning to sympathize with people," he said, not necessarily meaning it harshly. "Oh, by the way, if you ever tell a soul I said that I'll grind you to pulp," he added threateningly. I gave a bitter laugh. We each quieted. We said nothing for the longest time.  
  
"Kyo," he suddenly said. I turned my head to see him.  
  
"Yuki?" Yuki suddenly came closer, dangerously close, and reached up to touch my face, and stopped. He seemed to want to come closer, but had stopped dead in his tracks and suddenly withdrew his hand, and then slapped me.  
  
"There was an insect on your face," Yuki said as an excuse for his behavior. My mind was totally lost, but I knew one thing- there definitely had not been an insect on my face. I tried to rationalize with myself that there was no way that that could ever have been intended as a kiss, could it? No! He just finished telling me he's in love with Tohru, and then trys to kiss ME- something's not right there!  
  
"I'm sorry," he suddeny said shyly. Now he had made me angry, really angry.  
  
"Shut up," I told him and grabbed his shirt. His eyes held a desperation and hesitation at the same time. Pulling him into me, I stopped for a moment and slowly gave him a gentle kiss. (A/N Okay, I'm just wondering if I actually wrote that? Did I?) Yuki pulled away immediately. He gave me a repulsive look.  
  
"Damn, Kyo, how could you be so disgusting?" he said and wiped his mouth on his sleeve and left the room. My head was busy spinning. Had I actually just done that? Had I actually just kissed Yuki? Apparently so. I probably wasn't thinking rationally- no, I was perfectly rational. Oh God, I need an asparin.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
*coughcough* Yeah...uh, yeah... Shonen-ai/Yaoi fans rejoice. Did you like this chapter? 


	3. Snow Fight

Ever since that day Yuki looked at with inferior distaste like I was some sort of unspeakable mutant. Well how did he think I felt? I'm rejected, shunned, and had it rubbed in my face! My plan had backfired and collapsed on me. So I was found-out now. He knew I was sick and twisted. Of course, I had intended him to find out, but I didn't really think about what his reaction would be. I guess it would be foolish to believe anything other than this could result of this. So now he knew, and I could no longer deny it.  
  
Did I actually think if I did what I did, it would have somehow miraculously changed his feelings for Tohru? Did I really believe he would just stop loving her? Was I making myself believe some foolish, erotic fantasy? Wishful thinking. This is reality, and reality often hurts. So, I guess in the end, it doesn't really matter whether he knows or not, because it wouldn't change a thing. He still loves Tohru, and I still love Yuki. I suppose, realistically, I am in many ways, exactly what Yuki calls me- a baka neko.  
  
Now I was trapped. I'm backed into a corner, by my own blind feelings. And now we were even farther apart than before.  
  
~~~~~~rice~~~~~~~  
  
Yes, food. Don't look at Yuki. Keep your mind on food, not Yuki. No! Don't look at him! Completely ignore him!  
  
I poked wildly at the rice in my bowl, trying to pick it up. Shigure was watching me curiously. I looked up at him darkly.  
  
"You better quit that!" I yelled sharply. His expression froze and he turned away.  
  
"Shut up, baka neko," Yuki said. "You're just agitated because things didn't go the way you wanted them to," he accused. I scowled.  
  
I looked up at him and said nothing in response. I went back to my rice. Both Tohru and Shigure thought this very abnormal of me. Tohru looked a little worried; Yuki even looked a little surprised. I said absolutely nothing. What did I care what they thought? All my life, I've been rejected by some means, so why is this any different?  
  
"Ah, so you're playing humble now, are you?" Yuki said. I gave him a plain look like, I don't care what you say to me. He was trying to get under my skin, trying to make me aggravated. He was trying to get me to make mistakes.  
  
I, in turn, said nothing at all. Shigure and Tohru looked as if they had just witnessed a miracle.  
  
"Uh, Kyo?" Tohru said. "Are you feeling okay?" I looked at her and nodded dully. I let my eyes slide slowly over Shigure and Tohru and land on Yuki. He looked more surprised than before, but was trying to hide it. I could tell he had no idea what I was planning; he for once, could not thoroughly understand my actions, or what I was thinking.  
  
Good. He didn't have to know I was falling apart secretly. If I showed even the slightest sign of weakness, or let my guard down for even a second, it would fail.  
  
I knew Yuki wanted me too, why else would he try and kiss me? So then, why does he fight it? Why doesn't he just accept the fact he's gay? Well, maybe he's still in love with Tohru, that's always a possibility. This would be a challenge.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The next day, when we thought the last traces of winter had disappeared, a heavy snowfall fell upon the city and we woke up one morning to find a sea of white covering the whole of outside. I sighed- I hated shovel duty with Yuki. Well, that wasn't really true, Yuki supposedly hated it, I didn't, I just pretended I did.  
  
Before Yuki woke up, I rushed downstairs and poured a carton of milk down my throat with a piece of toast and after putting on a warm coat, went outside to begin navigating a path away from the house.  
  
After around ten minutes, my ears perked and I jerked my head to the side to see Yuki standing by the door with a second shovel. I scowled. Yuki gave me an annoyed glance. And so began our little cruel snow game we always played. He set the shovel down and began a different path.  
  
"Hey, the path is over here. Come over and help me," I said to Yuki, without that usual severity. Yuki gave me a dark look.  
  
"Why don't you come over here and help me?" he said sarcastically. I wasn't feeling like a fight today, so I gave a pout and marched over to where Yuki was shoveling a path. I began to shovel as if nothing had happened.  
  
"Kyo, why are you helping me?" Yuki said.  
  
"Because, I want to get this done as soon as possible, so I can get away from you," I lied. He seemed satisfied with that answer and continued to shovel silently. I began to pick up pace. I really was enjoying this; just us here, all alone, working together. I loved this feeling of unity with Yuki.  
  
But, after several minutes, I was interrupted in my sole project.  
  
"Cat, stop shoveling," Yuki commanded. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned on my heel, causing me to slip and fall into a heap of snow. Yuki watched me condescendingly while I struggled to get out and offered no help of his own.  
  
I managed to get out of the large pile of snow and brush myself off as if to restore my tact and dignity.  
  
"You were going to collide with a tree," Yuki said. His words were sarcastic and cruel, but I could tell from his eyes he didn't mean it truthfully.  
  
"Well excuse me for not showing the proper grace and agility I should when in the presence of YOU!" I shot back. I immediately stopped myself from continuing. I promised myself I was not going to start a fight that I didn't want, nor would I let Yuki make me aggravated enough to do so either. With my abrupt stop, it sounded strange. Yuki gave me a strange, questioning look. "Sorry," I muttered under my breath and then began to shovel again, away from the tree, eventually joining Yuki's path again as well.  
  
I was unaware of most else around me as I continued in the path we were making together. Finally, I decided to bring up a rather touchy subject and prayed Yuki wouldn't simply brush it off and not tell me the answer, because I really needed to know.  
  
"Hey, uh...when I saw you, that one time, with Tohru..." I began. I could sense Yuki's faint discomfort. "Do you...love Tohru?" I managed to say.  
  
"I wish you hadn't of seen that," Yuki said calmly. "But I don't know, I guess. I suppose I do, but..." He stopped and seemed to have difficulty going further. Perhaps it was awkward for him telling this to me.  
  
"Go on," I urged him.  
  
"But...maybe there's somebody else. Tohru doesn't love me in that way, I know that for sure; so, I've almost dropped the hope that we could be together, though I suppose that hasn't entirely eliminated what I felt for her. But like I said, maybe I'm supposed to be with somebody else. Someone else who isn't Tohru." I wanted to encourage this feeling Yuki was having; I wanted him to realize that I was standing right in front of him, waiting, wanting to give him my affections. Somehow this seemed to be working out perfectly, and at the same time, not. I loved Yuki, Yuki obviously felt something for me -whatever that was- but yet, he still had feelings for Tohru too, maybe even more than me. Well, at least he didn't feel totally neutral to me, I mattered. "But what am I telling this to you for, Cat?" I could see he was remembering when I kissed him. "Why am I even being civil with you?" Yuki seemed to ask himself.  
  
"Because, for once, Yuki..." I saw him stiffen at the mention of his name. "I'm doing things your way. I'm being civil with you for a change, accepting your views, instead of slapping them back in your face," I explained matter-of-factly, attempting to plow vainly through a giant pile of snow.  
  
"Kyo, you could never succeed as a psychologist," Yuki laughed. I stopped suddenly trying to kill the snow. I was a bit surprised; there was no severity there, no cruelness, there was only a friendly kindness that seemed too foreign to me coming from Yuki. In truth, I wasn't sure how to react. I turned to him, a goofy, confused look on my face. Yuki tried to stifle a laugh, but he couldn't, so he threw a snowball at me. It hit my chest.  
  
"What was that for?!" I demanded in a comical tone. Yuki set off at a run in the other direction, a smile on his face. He looked back at me while running, to see if I was running after him. I gave a small smile and picked up at run towards Yuki. As I was running I tried to gather as many snowballs as I could to throw at him, most of which missed.  
  
Finally, exhausted, Yuki stopped and threw another snowball. I tried to block it in time, but missed, and it hit my side. But somehow, I didn't care. For the first time, I was truly enjoying myself with Yuki, and I knew he was too. Every time he smiled I could feel my heart swell.  
  
I bent down and gathered another ball of snow as well. Yuki was too tired to run away from it, so he gave a simple block and was hit anyway. I pushed him down into the snow, I following.  
  
We each lay, panting in the snow, staring at each other. Every muscle in my body ached to just touch him. Snow was mixed in his hair and on his upper lip. I brushed a piece of snow from his mouth and gently leaned forward. I pulled my hand through his hair and kept it there. I closed my eyes as our lips met.  
  
Yuki didn't resist and surrendered to my kiss. I filled with pleasure and felt the strands of his hair in my fingers. When I had no more breath in me I pulled away. Yuki looked as if he had just been slapped.  
  
"Uh...Kyo?" he squeaked. He cleared his throat. "Kyo. What was that?" Sensing that this was too much for Yuki to absorb at the moment, I let my face remain plain. I stood and offered him my hand. He shook his head at my hand and stood on his own. I sighed and walked towards the house again, leaving Yuki in a large yard of zigzagging trails. As I walked away, I heard Yuki asked softly, "What happened, Kyo?" I pretended like I didn't hear and continued walking.  
  
As I entered the house, feelings of confusion and doubt began to fill my mind. Maybe I shouldn't have done that just yet. Yuki's feelings were still tender from Tohru and maybe he just isn't ready yet. Such a drastic transition is too early for him. But I had had such fun, I had gotten lost and I wasn't thinking; I guess maybe I thought it would be okay if I kissed him. I hope he's all right.  
  
I walked over to a cabinet and took out a small bottle. I opened it and popped an aspirin in my mouth, before pouring a glass of water and drinking down the pill.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
I had a lot of fun writing that chapter, maybe a little too much fun. ^__^ 


	4. Is It Her or Me?

What the hell are you doing, Kyo?! Oh gods, I think I'm paranoid! I shouldn't be moving so quickly! I shouldn't be kissing Yuki already! If I keep this up, he'll just push me farther away! I don't even know if Yuki liked it, okay, well maybe he did- he did try to kiss me once! Baka! Baka! From now on, I have to be careful I don't get desperate enough to do something that crazy again. Oh damn it, Rat, you drive me crazy more than you know. You're crazy driving (no, I didn't make a mistake) with love for you.  
  
~Doctor's orders: miso soup should not be eaten when in love~  
  
Ever since Yuki and my "Snow Day", I had become oddly self-conscious of myself. Every time Yuki looked at me I'd freeze up and become frantic for something unlovydovy and impolite to say.  
  
One afternoon, when we were eating a late lunch, I sat with Yuki at a table; Shigure and Tohru were visiting Hatori. We were eating miso soup in silence. But I was becoming frantic from this silence; I felt like Yuki could hear every sip I took, every thought of mine. Yuki has that way about him, that mystery, when things get real quiet.  
  
Across the table I heard one tiny slurp from Yuki, and I went into action.  
  
"Damn it, Rat, you're slurping," I said without thinking.  
  
"Am I? I only slurped once, you're just making that up. I don't have your dirty eating habits fortunately."  
  
"You know, you're being a real ass." I paused. "But I don't care, because we both are," I added. Yuki dropped his spoon in his bowl. An awkward silence followed. Yuki got up to take the spoon out of his bowl and get another, when he bumped the table and his and mine miso soup spilled- on me. Yuki looked like he was going to die, from what though, I was unsure. Another silence followed, Yuki just staring at me, and I staring back uncomfortably.  
  
"Excuse me, but I'm covered in soup here!" I said. That brought Yuki into action again. Yuki rushed to get a towel and hurried over to me, where he very gingerly began patting my shirt.  
  
"Oh, sorry," he suddenly said, and stopped patting my shirt. He looked away and handed me the towel. I began to brush my shirt with the towel, though it wasn't helping much. I stood and threw off my shirt.  
  
"I need to change," I said. Our eyes met suddenly. Yuki stood as well.  
  
"Sorry," Yuki muttered. He looked away suddenly. I sighed and turned to go upstairs to put on another shirt. Suddenly I was grabbed, turned around, and slammed against a wall. Yuki kissed me. I felt my desire heighten and bliss filled me. I touched his face and pulled him closer as we continued kiss.Yuki moaned softly. Abruptly, I pushed him away. I looked him straight in the eyes.  
  
"I will go no further with you, until I know if you're still in love with Tohru or not," I told him. He looked a little surprised and taken aback. He took a step back and looked down and sighed. Unexpectedly then, the door opened to reveal Tohru. She smiled at us.  
  
"Oh, uh, hi Yuki, Ky-o... Is everything okay?" Tohru said. Yuki looked up at her and then back at me.  
  
"Sorry Kyo," he said, passing his hand over my chest.  
  
"Uh, did I miss something?" Tohru said, a little confused. Shigure came in the door after her.  
  
"Oh, hello Kyo," Shigure said cheerily. I looked at him apathetically. "Where's your shirt?" I ignored his question and went back into the kitchen to get my shirt and then slowly trudged upstairs to my room.  
  
"He's acting strangely," Shigure said to Tohru.  
  
"Yuki is too; I wonder what it is," Tohru said.  
  
~The doctor said not to eat the miso soup~  
  
Greek and African Philosophy. Why such a person would combine two very different kinds of philosophy in one book I didn't know. Opening the book from where I had stopped before, a picture of Yuki fell out onto my chest. I picked it up and glanced at it. It was a picture of Yuki wearing a white buttoned shirt and dark pants with a light blue jacket on. The picture only caught him from the side, looking over his shoulder.  
  
"Yuki, if you can't decide who you want to be with, don't come to me. I can only give you my love if I know all of your's is mine as well."  
  
I was at a point now where I could make no probable guess as to whether Yuki still did love Tohru, even in the slightest. But I knew I could never accept his affections if Tohru still held some part of his heart. I knew it was very selfish of me, but Yuki needed to understand, I'm not just in this to fool around.  
  
~The doctor can go to hell~  
  
How dare he defile me! This was war!  
  
"Okay, you damn rat boy, you will be defeated by my black soldiers!" I yelled triumphantly. I was engaged in a fierce battle of checkers with Yuki, and the prowess of my black soldiers was savage and determined. We were playing the only way we knew how to play a game with each other, and ignoring the fact that Yuki had just kissed me three days ago.  
  
"Baka neko, it's just a game. This is a game of strategy, brainpower- something I'm sure you lack- not of force," Yuki said. I scowled. "Besides, I'm winning."  
  
"Who says?! You're just trying to distract me so that I'll lose; I can see through that predictable strategy of your's, just what I'd expect of a filthy rat!" I said. Yuki gave me a dark look that said more than a thousand threatening words. Suddenly though, after around 432 threatening words, his gaze turned to a more gentler, kinder one, and he gave a laugh. Yep, leave it up to Yuki to turn civil again in the prowess of a good battle.  
  
"You're a wimp," I said without much severeness.  
  
"And you are a soar loser," Yuki said in a friendly mock. I playfully stuck my tongue out at him and he caught it.  
  
"Ow. Wha are you thouing?" I said while Yuki had my tongue.  
  
"No reason; I'm just trying to see how long you can stand it. Shigure did this to me; my grand total was two minutes and thirty-two seconds," he informed me.  
  
"This is stupid," I said, pulling my tongue away. Yuki wiped his hands on his shirt.  
  
"Then is this stupid? I'm not going to pretend like I didn't kiss you three days ago," Yuki said suddenly. "I'm not going to pretend like I don't want you too."  
  
"Then why don't you kiss me?" I said. "Is it because of Tohru? Are you still so madly in love with her that you just came to me because you wanted some spurt of the moment affection? Was I just there, so you decided to use me as your love doll, just until Tohru reciprocated your feelings?" I said accusingly, surprised I had even said it. "Why can't you just tell me 'yes I still love Tohru', or 'no I don't love Tohru'? Why are you making me wonder what I am to you?" I said to him. Yuki looked very surprised at what I saw saying to him; he seemed taken aback and caught off-guard. "Well, I apparently don't know what I am to you anymore, but just to let you know, I love you, Yuki," I said loudly and with severeness in my voice. I stood from the table we had been playing at and left the room. I was not going to give him a kiss. He would get nothing more out of me until I knew whether he was still in love with Tohru.  
  
I was unsure why I had become so worked up. But I had exploded for some reason and said some things maybe I shouldn't have, but I wasn't going to turn back now. This was turning into a battlefield apparently, and I thrived in battlefields. Yuki, decide soon who you want to be with, and don't look back after you've decided. 


	5. It's Her

Just thinking about the emotions that aroused in me when he kissed me made my lips tingle. I knew Yuki wanted me, but I wouldn't let myself get any more attached, until I knew I didn't have to hold back. When I knew Tohru wasn't in a part of Yuki's heart anymore, then he would see just how much I was in love with him.  
  
But as these wondrous thoughts of a time in the future far from now, I came upon the realization that maybe I was just being foolish and unrealistic. Yuki had never actually told me straight that he wanted me, and needed me, he had expressed it only through gestures and kissing. He had also failed to tell me that I was the only one when he had the chance. So, maybe, in reality, maybe what I had said was true after all? Could Yuki have only been using me and taking my affections because he needed to soothe his own wounds, and wasn't really serious about me? And it struck me; could it be I was only being played with and used? Suddenly Yuki seemed very different to me, and I saw him now in a very different light than before; he was different now, almost of a malice or animosity. And I believed it all willingly, letting my guard down, letting him fool me, because I had a weakness for him, because I loved him. Now that I thought about it, I was being too unrealistic; I was making myself believe a lie. Maybe Yuki really didn't love me.  
  
~It's the miso soup, I tell you!~  
  
This sudden realization had brought about a change in me; I was more distant from Yuki than ever before, and I didn't show him any signs of affection at all. I became entirely detached. Yuki undoubtedly noticed, and it seemed to bother him, but I was too wrapped up in my self pity and insanity to realize any of this. I told myself I needed to get a life, that he wasn't worth spending my love on. But I could never tell myself that truthfully, because I had been in love with him for far too long to know any other love for someone; in the secret, private sanctuary of my mind, Yuki was the only one.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^  
  
"Kyo, do you want to play checkers again?" Yuki suggested casually to me. I turned on my indifferent, sarcastic fasade.  
  
"No, I don't feel like it," I replied. I saw disappointment in his eyes. But as his eyes lowered slowly to the floor, I felt guilt ripple through me and I realized I was unable to tell him no. "Uh, yeah. Never mind, it's okay. Let's play," I said suddenly. His features seemed to shine as our eyes met and I tried to look away.  
  
During the game, my competitive spirit was wiped, and I wasn't paying much attention to Yuki's moves, or my own. In the current insanity and obliviousness of my mind, I began to think of that book I found of Master's. Greek and African Philosophy; the two were so different, yet every culture has a different story for the same lesson. And then I began comparing it to Yuki and I; Yuki was like the Greek philosophy, and I the African, so different, yet alike.  
  
"Neko, it's your turn to move," Yuki reminded, sending me back to the present. Our eyes met and I found I could not turn them away. In an instant, Yuki bolted from his chair and flew at me, and started to kiss me passionately. I did nothing for a moment, but soon pushed him away. He stared back at me dumbfounded, his hair a bit messy. I looked back at him blankly.  
  
"I told you; I will give you nothing until I know it's only me that you want and need," I said tonelessly. Yuki sighed and looked away for a moment.  
  
"Baka neko... Seriously Kyo, I'm not trying to play you like some toy, or use you. But you insist that I am, because you're too insecure that I'll just throw you away one day. You try and tell yourself nothing's changed because it never did before, and that's what you're used to." Yuki looked at me again. "Don't hide from it, Kyo. I'm not in love with Tohru anymore; I need you more than you know," he said. I wanted to believe what he was saying so bad, but how could I be sure?  
  
"How do I know you're telling the truth?" I challenged him.  
  
"I don't tell lies about things like this," Yuki replied simply. "But if you must have something, then this." Our lips met again. Yuki's tongue poked for entry to my mouth, but I refused.  
  
"No tongue," I said to him sternly, pulling away. He gave me a mischevious look.  
  
"But anything else goes, right?" he said. I almost was hesitant to answer; his voice was adventurous and I was very surprised at how he was being. He was acting out exactly every fantasy I had ever wanted to do with him; it all seemed too unrealistic and I wondered if I had just subconsciously made it up in my mind. He didn't wait for my answer and pressed his mouth to my lips again. We tumbled to the floor, neither one releasing our kiss on the other. I moaned in pleasure as I pulled him closer, running my hands through his hair.  
  
"We...better stop...before someone...sees us..." Yuki said.  
  
"Shut up," I told him and pushed him over. I climbed on top of him and plunged my tongue into his mouth.  
  
"Mmm...Kyo..." Yuki murmured in pleasure. I grabbed his shirt and tried to unbutton it. Yuki grabbed my hand and tried to stop me. "No, Kyo," he pleaded under me. I stopped abruptly, sighed, and released his shirt. I got off of him and stood up hastily and felt pouty. Yuki sat up and looked down at the rug. He looked up and our eyes met for a moment. I saw something in his eyes I didn't understand; an indecipherable look in his eyes, not fear, hesitation, or affection, different. But the look in his eyes told me I should leave and get away from Yuki for a while. I turned slowly, forcing myself to tear our gaze. I loudly ran up the stairs to my room. I knew if I looked back at Yuki I may break into tears, because I sensed something different.  
  
In my quiet room, I stood in the doorway staring at it. The window was open and curtains were blowing (curtains Tohru put up). For a moment it didn't even seem like my room. I finally stepped in and closed the fusuma behind me. The book of philosophy caught my eye and I could no longer hold it in. I slumped wearily to the floor as a breeze swept over me and I felt a single tear run down my cheek.  
  
Suddenly a thought struck me. Tohru. Yuki had "assured" me that I was the only one he loved. Yeah, right. That look in his eyes told me exactly the truth; it wasn't that I was moving too quickly for him, it was because of Tohru. There was no more assuming anymore that he still loved her, I knew it for a fact. That look was telling me exactly the truth and pleading for forgiveness. Well, I decided, I can't forgive someone who hurt me that deeply. The wound is already there, it can't be undone. If he needs so desperately some one-night stand, he can go to Tohru, because I won't be involved with it anymore, I won't continue to hurt myself like this. Sorry, Yuki. I'm really sorry. Though, despite all this, I still love you, even though you used me.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
So, what will happen? I'm making Yuki look like a villain here, I must be. I'll just go on as I did before this whole thing happened. Yuki loves Tohru, and I love Yuki. I'm okay with now. Perfectly content.  
  
If I told myself that, I'd be lying. I was very unhappy with this, and I couldn't truthfully tell myself I would be able to move on that easily. So, Yuki, what will you do now that things are back to the way they were?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
What will happen? Well, come to think of it, I don't know myself; I'll have to think about that. ^__^ 


	6. MaybeIt Is Me THE END

Note: This one chapter is rated PG-13.  
  
****  
  
Mom, why did you leave? Why did you want to get away from me? I was your son, your precious son that you always claimed to love so much more than anything else. I tried to be good for you, I didn't want you to hate me. So, why did you not want to keep me? Why? I thought everything was okay, wasn't it? And now, I guess Yuki is doing the same thing; he's rejecting me. Twice. I guess that's how it's supposed to be for the Cat, right? Well, I lived without you, and now I can try to live without Yuki, even though I really don't want to. Because Yuki means much more to me than what he even knows himself. The things he's taught me, and the things I've learned to appreciate because him, cannot be explained yet. But I doubt I've had that influence on him at all.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Yuki, um, can I come in?" Shigure said. Yuki looked up.  
  
"Oh, uh, yeah. What is it?" Yuki asked.  
  
"Oh, it's nothing; just uh, is something wrong? I mean, not with you necessarily, but primarily Kyo. Have you noticed anything strange about him lately? He's been rather reserved if that's possible, and just sort evasive. What I mean is, did something happen between you and Kyo?" Yuki looked confused as would be the normal reaction he would give to something like this, not yet revealing what had been happening between them.  
  
"Uh, no, nothing should be wrong," Yuki's first answer was. Shigure gave a smile and made a small sigh.  
  
"You know Yuki, you have a lot more influence on Kyo than you even know." Yuki continued to look confused.  
  
"Uh, Shigure, what are you getting at?" Yuki asked suspiciously.  
  
"Oh, nothing. Just, Yuki, despite what Kyo shows you -that constant bitchy attitude- he really doesn't hate you as much as he makes you think he does. I think he might even like you a little bit," Shigure said. Yuki looked utterly shocked that Shigure would even imply such a thing.  
  
"No! I mean,...no. It's not even rational to assume that any emotion besides that of hate could either one of us feel for the other," Yuki insisted. Shigure gave a laugh.  
  
"My, I'm surprised you deny it so fervently. Not that I can blame you though, you've at least hated Kyo ever since you were but little children. But now you're almost grown, your feelings for him must have matured as well, am I right?" Shigure said with a little smile like he was prying for a juicy secret. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, you know. If your feelings of hate for Kyo have lessened even a little than before, it's still an improvement; it's not bad. In fact, it's good," Shigure continued. Yuki sighed.  
  
"Shigure, don't assume things that you can't back up. You have no evidence- "  
  
"Then why did I see you kiss him?" Yuki turned abruptly to Shigure, an almost shocked or frightened look in his eye. Suddenly, Yuki sighed.  
  
"You saw it then? How? Why were you watching us?" Yuki asked softly. Shigure gave a kind laugh.  
  
"Yuki, I live here, remember? And I can't help if I saw you, though I don't deny I wasn't trying to not see you two," Shigure said apathetically.  
  
"Fine then; I can't deny it any longer what I've been feeling for Kyo. And I know Kyo feels the same but..." Yuki drifted off.  
  
"But what? He's pushed you away?"  
  
"I...I don't know. He- he thinks that I love Tohru, which I do, but...not in the same way; Tohru is like a sister now, I don't want her that way any more, but Kyo still thinks I do. So, he pushes me away whenever I try to tell him how I feel, because he thinks...I don't know what he's thinking anymore," Yuki said solemnly. Shigure smiled supportively at Yuki.  
  
"Good Yuki, I'm proud of you. You need to tell Kyo how you feel about this, but this time, don't let him run away. Kyo's just like that sometimes when he doesn't want to be somewhere, or in some situation, but you can't let him run. You, Yuki, have to find some way to make him believe you wholeheartedly you're not in love with Tohru anymore," Shigure said. Yuki looked at Shigure like he was crazy.  
  
"You can't make that guy believe me! He's got himself hypnotized! He won't believe me if I write it in blood!" Yuki said.  
  
"You might be surprised," Shigure said. "Kyo loves you-"  
  
"How the hell do you know that?!"  
  
Ooh, touchy, touchy. Fine. Kyo has feelings for you, so he'll be able to find some way to rationalize it out in his mind, because he wants to believe what you're going to tell him," Shigure said as if it was only a simple matter that needed not require much thought. Yuki scoffed.  
  
"Fine, I'll go do my little 'I love you' speech," Yuki said with a pout.  
  
"That's my boy!" Shigure cheered. Yuki gave Shigure a dark look.  
  
"I will see you later," Yuki said sternly and stopped upstairs.  
  
~~~~~~~ the next day  
  
(Kyo's POV)  
  
I was staring idly at the open pages of "Greek and African Philosophy". I cared little now for what it had to say, or what lesson it meant to teach; I was in my room, laying on the futon, sulking. Suddenly, the door flew open and I shot up. Yuki was standing there, looking calm. He straightened his sleeves and stepped towards me.  
  
"Listen Kyo, it's 8 a.m. and nobody's in the house," Yuki started. I waited for his point; his eyes weren't hiding anything I could tell he was going to be completely open with me.  
  
"What is it?" I asked. Yuki sighed and prepared to tell me what he had to say.  
  
"Listen, Kyo, I want to tell you something. I know that you think that I'm still in love with Tohru, and I've tried to tell you otherwise but... Listen, I just- Kyo, I just want to tell you exactly what I feel about you." Yuki situated himself comfortably on the floor next to me and cleared his throat as if preparing for a speech. He looked me straight in the eye. "I love you, Kyo. And...and I want you...I want you to be with me, and trust me. I don't...I don't hate you. But I hate the way how it feels when things aren't right between us. So, please, I want to tell you to believe me, because I don't love Tohru anymore. I swear. I only love you, Kyo, I only want you. Tohru is not my love any longer. We're just not meant to be," Yuki tried to explain to me. I contemplated his words in my mind for a moment even though I automatically knew my answer. For some reason now, the desperation and pleadingness in his eyes and voice told me he meant it and was telling the truth. I sighed and looked away for a moment. A silence settled around the room for a moment and neither one of us said a thing. "So, are you gonna' kiss me yet, or not?" Yuki suddenly said with a comical tone in his voice. I turned back to him and smiled.  
  
"Don't move," I told him. I got on my knees and slowly touched his hair. Slowly, as if for the first time, I pressed my lips to his mouth gently and without desperation and passion, but great affection. Yuki covered my hand with his own and put the other on my face. Finally, I released his lips and settled back. "Yuki, I love you too. I love you more than you know; I love you so much it's crazy. I want to be with you, and I want to kiss you, and I want to tell you how much I'm in love with you, you stuck-up, idiot rat," I said with a laugh.  
  
"And you're just as much a bastard as I am a stuck-up, idiot rat," Yuki said affectionately. I smiled at him.  
  
"But still, how do I know that I'm the only one?" I asked comically. Yuki smiled devilishly.  
  
"Because, I'd never call anyone stupid neko except you." Yuki suddenly stood up and began to temptinginly, seductively, unbotton his shirt. When it was half-way unbottoned he turned away from me and flung it off his shoulders. He looked back at me and licked his hand and brushed it behind his ears like a cat.  
  
"Wait, Kyo," Yuki said. "Don't leave; hold on a moment," Yuki said as he disappeared from the room for a moment, leaving me stuck there on the floor.  
  
(picture fades)  
  
Did I Tell You I Can't Live Without You? The End  
  
**** I just thought of that title now. Beautiful couple, aren't they? I think that was an appropriate ending, with a little bit of a hint of their...relationship. Thank you so much for reading and I have to say, I had fun writing this too as much as I hope you enjoyed it! *bows* Thank you! 


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